Massage Jokes

joke/jōk/Learn to pronouncenoun

  1. 1.a thing that someone says to cause amusement or laughter, especially a story with a funny punchline.” she was in a mood to tell jokes” synonyms: funny story, jest, witticism, quip, pleasantry; More

verb

  1. 1.make jokes; talk humorously or flippantly.” she could laugh and joke with her colleagues” synonyms: tell jokes, crack jokes;

In lew of this week’s events, I thought it very appropriate to post these massage jokes. Enjoy!

It was my little big toe!

10 Massage Jokes:

1. Massage Therapist: Your appointment is for 9 A.M. If I’m not on time, start without me.

2. Massage Therapist: Let me know if that’s too much pressure. I don’t want to torture you. That would be an added charge.

3. Massage Therapist (monologuing): I’m going to be doing frictions which can be a little unpleasant. It’s at this point patients sometimes say (in a Sean Connery accent) “Do you expect me to talk?” And I say (wigged out Goldfinger voice): “I expect you to die, Mr. Bond!”

4. Client: What’s in the massage oil?
Massage Therapist: Patchouli and some Rosemary. It smells nice. I tried using holy water once but it burns! It BURNS!

5. Massage Therapist: Is the pressure okay?
Client: How will I know if it’s not “okay”?
Massage Therapist: If you see dead relatives beckoning you toward a bright light, that would be one clue.

6. Client: So…where did you get your training?
Massage Therapist: Prison.
Client (hushed gasp): Oh.

7. Client: By that pressure, I’d say you don’t like me very much.
Massage Therapist: (Easing up.) No, no! Thank you for telling me the pressure was too much for you. If I really didn’t like you, I’d use the lawn mower maneuver.
Client: (Curious) Ah, and what’s that?
Massage Therapist: I wrap a long towel around your head several times, place one foot on your back, take one end of the towel and, er…start you up!
Client descends into silence for the rest of the hour, tips generously and scurries out.

8. Client: Jeez! That trigger point really hurt!
Massage Therapist: Yeah, if only I would use my powers for good instead of evil.

9. Massage Therapist: Would you like some Tiger Balm down your spine?
Client: No. You shouldn’t use that! It’s not ecologically sound! It’s made with real tigers!
Massage Therapist: Ma’am, I can assure you that Tiger Balm is not that expensive. I’ve looked at the ingredients and I’m sure it does not contain any tiger residue whatsoever.
Client: Oh. Um. Okay.
Massage Therapist: The Baby Powder, however, contains 96% actual babies.

10. Client: I’m thinking of becoming a Massage Therapist myself. In the job I have now all I hear is complaints and people tell me their problems all day.
Massage Therapist: Spoken as a true healer.
Client: Huh?
Massage Therapist: What is it you do now, again?
Client: I’m a nurse.
Massage Therapist: (Speechless.)

*Disclaimer: This information is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice. You should not use this information to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease without consulting with a qualified healthcare provider.
Please consult your healthcare provider with any questions or concerns you may have regarding your condition.
The information provided is for educational purposes only and is not intended as diagnosis, treatment, or prescription of any kind. The decision to use, or not to use, any information is the sole responsibility of the reader. These statements are not expressions of legal opinion relative to the scope of practice, medical diagnosis or medical advice, nor do they represent an endorsement of any product, company or specific massage therapy technique, modality or approach. All trademarks, registered trademarks, brand names, registered brand names, logos, and company logos referenced in this post are the property of their owners.

Therapeutic Massage, Sports Massage Therapy in Santa Barbara, Goleta
Therapeutic Swedish Massage, Sports Massage Therapy in Santa Barbara, Goleta
Don’t do Facebook- Read Why!
Nicola of Riktr Pro Massage is a practicing licensed insured professional LMT (Licensed Massage Therapist) and fine artist based in Santa Barbara, CA. Nicola has a wide range of female and male clients, including athletes, professionals, housewives, artists, landscapers, out of town visitors, people who are retired and students.

Don’t do Yelp – Read Why!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

ten − 7 =

*